I was standing on the deck last night, looking up at the stars, talking to my Daddy in heaven, as I do most nights, paying absolutely no attention to my dog, whom I should’ve been watching…… He’s got a way of finding trouble no matter where it is, ya know how precocious a curious, crazy, high strung dog can be….. Kind of like my mother. She’s the prime example of crazy, and high strung. That’s pretty much been my entire life with her, no matter what I say, do, give, it’s never been good enough. At my age now, I shouldn’t be surprised by this, because, she was never that “mom”, you know the kind, never made me feel like I was important, her love was ALWAYS conditional, I never really knew the true meaning of a mother’s unconditional love until I became one. SO the bulk of my childhood was filled with tears, punishments, threats, if then statements, a longing for normalcy, if you will, with every single thing – no hearts and butterflies and rainbows in my childhood. For some people childhood is the best time of your life. For others, like me, childhood is what we spend the rest of our live trying to get over….. So, essentially, what I learned from her growing up – was how to NEVER parent! The good news is, tho it took me like 40 plus years, I’ve reached that stage in my life where I finally have realized that no matter what I do, say, give, it will never be good enough for the crazy, narcissistic, self centered bitch that is my mother. And that’s ok because now I’m positively sure in my heart that it’s definitely not me, it’s her, as it’s always been. How do I know this!? The proof is in the pudding as they say….. My husband (who has loved me unconditionally for the last 36 years, yes, you heard me right, 36 years together – my high school sweetheart, and every waking moment of it – being unconditionally loved by him) and my son, and the constant Love in our house, our home, our life together. The sun rises and sets on my son. He’s my whole world, from the moment he was conceived and until the day I die, his happiness will ALWAYS come first, He’s the most important thing in my life. No matter what the cost, he’s number one. His needs, loves, wants, desires are my first priority, as they very well should be. And here’s the thing, that’s EXACTLY what my head, my heart, and every living breathing cell in my body tells me is the RIGHT thing, no matter what. Even if that means taking a bullet for him, I wouldn’t even hesitate….. to be his mom is a privilege and an honor, raising him is one of the best jobs in the world, how someone could not treasure that I will never understand!? Because I find joy in it, the good times, and even the bad, there’s always an opportunity to find a blessing in each day when you’re raising a child.