~Parenting~

Becoming a Mom ~

In just about 4 weeks, I am going to know what it truly means to be pushed to my limits and beyond.  I am going to understand, on a grand scale, what it’s like to create magic from some of the most intense pain ever experienced by a woman.  It’s going to be hard. It’s going to hurt. But I know it’s going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s a miracle and I can hardly wait.
Do you realize how unstoppable we really are? Do you understand what you are capable of? We are amazing creatures.  I am simply in awe. We have the power inside all of us (well, most of us) to create life. So don’t ever stop creating the life you want because if we can grow an entire human being inside of us, really, we can do anything.
And this of course goes for your partner as well.  We create together. We are all unstoppable. Those that work as a team, even more so, double the power! Quite frankly, it’s simply amazing. We are amazing, all of us. so get off your ass and #liveyourbestlife cause no one truly knows when their time is up. And, YES, I’m gonna say it, live every day as if it were your last, there’s a reason they call it the “present”, because every day you’re on this earth is a GIFT!

~The Beginning~

Since I was a little girl I’ve always dreamed of being an amazing mom.  That dream was born the day my dad died and my whole world fell apart around me, especially what I needed most at the time, my mother. I was 9, yes, 9!
It was so extremely important to me, for us, to raise our son right, to be the best parents like ever, especially me, I wanted to be the BEST Mom, the COOL Mom, the house that all the kids would want to hang out at. All the things that I never had, all the things that my own childhood lacked, all the things the rest of my friends had, since my childhood was so fucked up. I mean like so seriously FUCKED up.
So, it was with pleasure (and a little bit of happy sadness) to let go of the 12+ years alone together with “no responsibility”, you know, sleeping in when we wanted, all those fun, crazy, nights we stayed up late talking about our hopes and dreams, kissing, cuddling and making love, like we were still newlyweds, with no worries about what the next day would bring. Only being responsible for ourselves.
I look back now, and think, wow, what a crazy action packed ride we’d had. Despite all the obstacles, and the stress that comes with living pay check to pay check, I wouldn’t change a thing. We worked hard, and yet, we were still poor as hell, but blissfully happy. Having no money didn’t matter, cause we’d had the time of our lives, together, building our bond, learning what it truly means to sacrifice one’s happiness for another’s, that’s what marriage is isn’t it?
Still. All these years later, I can still remember our pre-wedding classes where we’d learned from Pastor what the foundation of a happy marriage was, communication, self sacrifice for one another, love unconditionally, forgive. Through it all, I was trying to manage my diagnosis (a very unpredictable auto immune disease), Yay! – NOT! But I sucked it up, cause my sweet’s was still plugging along, working toward making his dream come true and his career was finally starting to take off. And that’s what you’re supposed to do right?, no matter how tough it got, which it did, we never turned on one another. Never.
Now, all these years later, I look back A LOT, I mean like ALL THE TIME, (my therapist reminds me constantly that that is def a problem, whatever, no one is perfect, right!? I can’t help that I’m a very sensitive girl, always was….. not very much self esteem in here…) and still, despite everything, I’m so blissfully happy he’d chosen me to build and share his life with, cause, trust me, there were TONS of girls that wanted him, he could’ve had his pick of the litter, but he picked me, insecure, crazy, fucked up, me.
He’d always, always, made me feel loved. Always. No mater what. He showed me what loving unconditionally really meant, he made me feel like I really was beautiful, inside and out, something that still, to this day, that I struggle with (thanks Mom – sarcasm). This amazingly drop dead handsome boy with the HUGEST heart wanted me!? So at 14 I’d met the man of my dreams, my soul mate and the only person, ever, that made me feel as if I was the luckiest girl in the world.